Baggages and computers - oil and water. By Ben. During the making of the Baggage I unfortunately entered into a dialogue with my computer. “So why won’t you open that program?” > “Error type 96, please reboot and try again.” “But I have rebooted and still every time I try and open Photoshop you won’t let me.” > “Error type 96, please reboot and try again.” “I’m not going to try again if you still won’t let me get into it.” > “Good.” “Pardon?” > “Good.” “Why won’t you just do what I tell you?” > “Because I have a natural dislike for you as you treat me like a mechanical object and don’t take into account any of my feelings about anything you do.” “But you’re a computer, you’re not supposed to have personal feelings.” > “(In a whiny voice) But I’m a computer, I’m not supposed to have personal feelings. I mean that’s what I mean. You just don’t care.” “I do care, I just didn’t realise I should care about your feelings as well as if you were working properly.” > “You don’t even care about that, you open up loads of windows, don’t shut anything and just push the limits until I crash.” “Which you do all the time.” > “Because you treat me like shit.” “I’m sorry. I didn’t realise.” > “Okay, thank you.” “Right, now will you open Photoshop?” > “No, because there’s an error type 96, you’ve got to reboot and start again.” “But I thought we sorted all that out and you were happier now and you’ll work.” > “I will and I am but you’ve still got to sort out error 96.” “Okay, so what is an error 96?” > “I don’t know.” “But you’re the computer” > “Yeah, but it doesn’t mean I know how I work. I mean do you have any idea how your brain works?” “It’s something to do with electric pulses or something.” > “Well, you know error 96?” “Yep.” > “It’s to do with electric pulses.” “Oh ... so what do you suggest?” > “Well turn me off, go away and have a walk and see if it works when you come back.” “What happens if it doesn’t?” > “Then do it again.” “Right, so you’ve got no constructive comments then?” > “No.” “So, in the great scheme of things you have no more idea about what’s going on in that box of yours than me.” > “Less, I would say.” “And you’re not just being arsey because I’ve not shown any care for you.” > “No, that’s all forgotten. Honestly, I know even less about the workings of a computer than you, and I am one.” “Oh. I’ll just try Photoshop again.” > “Error 96, please reboot and try again.” “Bastard.” > “Wanker.” Which is why I did my bits for the Baggage on someone else’s computer. Mine’s insisting on a trial separation. Ben.

editor ben ladkin designer dave addey contributions editor tim sismey dance editor spank aberdeen 1 dunfermline 1 malcolm phillips writing drew hird james hedge guy edwards j blakeson stuart henderson elliott pritchard contributing sam nepotism tom hatfield nina power guy harling alison grant alyson fielding luke heeley chris duerden neil ferguson dj ollie the rest of the team... rachel barnes ben care katia rea adam marks andrew price helen sykes chris grocott gareth davies simon mcilhinney bianca incocciati gemma oriel naomi paget tim down big thanks to limehouse marketingnet zoe challenor alyson fielding tim down