...written and compiled by spank.

As the founding member of the ‘Jeremy Healy Depreciation Society’ imagine my glee when fingering through a friend’s record collection to find the aforementioned hands in the air, ‘Nutcracker Suite’ playing handbagger in the diabolical band ‘Haysi Fantaysee’. The band, a mixture of bad eighties pop, bad eighties pop and bad eighties pop, seem in a constant battle to out do each other in the feminine stakes. Healy clearly wins, the female chanteuse a close second and the ugly bloke is sadly relegated to the back of the album sleeve. One also notes Healy’s fashion sense was as bad then as it is now, albeit without the John Galliano £3000 price tag hanging off the hem-line. If one home truth to come out of this sordid affair it would be the outing of an unlikely past fan. Side 1, track 5 of the ‘Battle Hymns For Children’ album is entitled none other than ‘Sabres Of Paradise’. Andy Weatherall, you have been warned.