This issue, Elliott meets Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson isn't wacko. He's more kind of taco, with a light salsa sauce. I like those. As long as the salsa's not too hot. I had the opportunity of talking to the king of plip-pop himself yesterday. So I did.

So, Michael, straight off- I hear a rumour that Lisa-Marie is pregnant. Is it true?
I can't confirm or deny that. But yes, she is.

That's excellent. What's the cheeky little monkey's name?
Fiddles.

How sweet. Do you love me?
Love is my middle name.

No shit. There have been many harmful allegations made about you in the press. They say, and I urge all readers to cover their eyes, that you have a new album out.
Yes. Many tabloids have said that I entered the recording studio. But I swear I never touched it. The thought never even crossed my mind.

Would you care to dance?
Tango?

Orange.
Lemon.

Bitter.
Beer.

Don't mind if I do.

Michael Jackson wasn't talking to Elliott.